Mercy

I had one of the worst days of my life, so far and while I won’t disclose the details of the why I will disclose this one thing, one man that just made it worse.

I’ve never understood why I fall for a particular type of man – the shallow, two-faced son of a bitch. One might also add liar, but that just goes hand in hand with being two-faced. Let’s call him S.

S has a power over me that I can’t explain, he just does. He just pulls me in and it takes everything I have to get away. I felt particularly vulnerable because for a long time now I have felt lonely, alone and he just brings in that breath of fresh air. Well at least you think it’s fresh air, at first.

It’s a disgusting sense of betrayal. Have I’ve been betrayed, though? Or is this just me being able to finally open my eyes about you? I know, I know I’ve been saying shit like: my eyes are wide open, I know who he is I’m just entertaining the idea, I’m just – you know – being a friend. I was thinking about you as a friend. Are you a friend, though? You were never a friend. And my eyes were never wide open.  Isn’t that weird?

It’s weird how I cannot accept you unless it’s just you – without any friends. You’re the sweetest when it’s just you.

It ain’t pretty when two hearts get broken…

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